Counselling in Wokingham – Your Support Network

Paul Cockayne – 07791

This is a sort of counselling “blog” to give you a flavour of how I work. You can find more information about me by clicking one of the links above

This blog was previously at where historical entries from November 2008 can be found

We all need support – some of us more than others.  Support may come from people, pets, activities, or perhaps, from more potentially destructive sources such as alcohol, drugs or pornography.

It can be useful to think about your support network by asking yourself who (or what) gives you:-

  • Someone you can rely on in a crisis
  • Someone to talk to if you’re worried
  • Someone who makes you feel good about yourself
  • Someone who can tell you how well or badly you are doing
  • Someone who makes you stop and think about what you’re doing
  • Someone who introduces you to new ideas, interests or people

There may be gaps in your network, or you may very heavily on one or two people.  This isn’t necessarily wrong, but it is something to think about.


About Paul Cockayne

Counsellor, musician, iPhone developer, games-player, cheese-lover....
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2 Responses to Counselling in Wokingham – Your Support Network

  1. Linda says:

    I want to talk to someone as I suspect both my mother and my son have some form of sociopathic tendancies. I have searched the internet to try to find people who have similar problems to me and feel I am going round in circles. I recognised their behaviour by reading up on sociopaths and in a way it came as a relief, I know that sounds strange, but it really did, it was the first thing that made sense to me.

    Both have always told me that I am a terrible daughter/mother and I know that I have made lots of mistakes but I have really tried but the problem is if you are told something long enough you find it easy to believe it.

    I have some support from other family members who have also recognised the issues, but problem is I need to find a way to deal with my own emotions and develop skills to handle their emotional blackmail.
    The one thing I know is that it is all taking its toll on me, I feel pressure from all sides. I have not been able to maintain a relationship with a man and recognise that I also need help with this.
    I really need help.

  2. Paul Cockayne says:

    Linda, it sounds like you are having to deal with a lot of negative messages from your mum and daughter and as you say if you are told something enough times you can start to believe it.

    Sometimes when people criticise others it makes them feel better, because it hides their own faults from themselves. They can blame all their problems on their “bad” mother/father/partner rather than take responsibility for themselves. It is a nasty and destructive way of feeling better about themselves – but many people do it without realising what they are doing or thinking about the effect it has on others.

    And though you say you have made lots of mistakes, I think we all have. I’m sure that you’ve done lots right too. It sounds like you could do with focussing on the good things about yourself, about the things you’ve done right. Trying to increase the time you spend with the friends and family who are positive and supportive will help with this, I’m sure. It can also be helpful just to write things down – things you are good at, things you are proud of, things you like about yourself.

    I sounds like it may also be worth you thinking about some counselling because that can be a very positive environment – one where you can understand yourself better, grow to love yourself more, and think about what changes you can make to improve your quality of life.

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