Counselling in Wokingham – When Do You Feel Loss?

Paul Cockayne – 07791

This is a sort of counselling “blog” to give you a flavour of how I work. You can find more information about me by clicking one of the links above

This blog was previously at where historical entries from November 2008 can be found

In thinking about loss, a model I sometimes use is to think about what a call a “needs wheel”.  We need different things in our lives – to feel loved, to feel special, to feel useful and worthwhile, to feel physically healthy – and so on.   Many different needs, and the relative importance of these needs is different for different people.

How do we meet these needs?  Again, this is different for different people.  Relationships are likely to be important – relationships with friends, family, loved ones.  Work may be important to us, as may hobbies.  We may get some comfort from going to the gym, or smoking, or alcohol.   For each of us this is different, but we could construct a personal “needs wheel” – a pie chart in which different activities or people are represented by slices – their relative importance represented by their relative sizes.

So, then we can understand when we are likely to feel loss.  If we lose something or someone that is a big slice of our wheel, our needs will not be met, and we will feel loss.  If the loss is of something that is only a small slice, we will feel it much less.

Next week I will talk about how we recover from loss – how we fill that gap in our needs wheel.


About Paul Cockayne

Counsellor, musician, iPhone developer, games-player, cheese-lover....
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