Paul Cockayne – 07791 970406 – firstname.lastname@example.org
This is a sort of counselling “blog” to give you a flavour of how I work. You can find more information about me by clicking one of the links above. This blog was previously at http://www.pcrc.berkshire-website.co.uk where historical entries from November 2008 can be found.
I was working with a couple recently and we were talking about a common pattern of behaviour. The woman felt that her partner didn’t pull his weight around the house and had (in her words) become a “horrid nag”. The man felt whatever he did was not enough, that there was always going to be another job he’d be nagged about – and so he had stopped trying.
And so there was a circular pattern – the less the man did, the more the woman felt the need to nag – the more the woman nagged, the less the moan was motivated to help.
How to break the pattern? Neither was happy with their own behaviour – the man acknowledged that he was lazy and needed a bit of nagging – the woman acknowledged that she would sometimes benefit from letting things go and relaxing more.
So it seemed right to limit the pattern, rather than change it completely, and we came up with the idea of “nag of the day”. Once a day, the woman was allowed to have a nag, and the man agreed to do as she requested. The couple laughed at the idea that the woman might wear a special “nagging hat” and that the man would be subservient. Bringing fun to the situation made it seem like something they could share in rather than something that was damaging the relationship.