Counselling in Wokingham – Coping with Jealousy

Paul Cockayne – 07791

This is a sort of counselling “blog” to give you a flavour of how I work. You can find more information about me by clicking one of the links above.  This blog was previously at where historical entries from November 2008 can be found.

Jealousy is a horrible, destructive emotion; it seems to have a life of its own – it can grab you without warning and grow inside you in an uncontrolled way.

Often people try to get their partner to solve their problem with jealousy – by asking them to cut off contact with friends or constantly letting them know where they are and who they are with.  In general, this doesn’t work and can end up with your partner feeling distrusted and controlled.   The flaw with this approach is that the jealousy is inside your head and so it is you who needs to deal with it, not your partner.

One approach, which can be useful to many people, is to fight jealous thoughts with other, positive, thoughts.  It is a good idea to pre-prepare these and I talk to people about having a mental page with positive thoughts written on it – these might be good things about your relationship, happy memories, good qualities in your partner….whatever works for you.  Then when the jealous thoughts start to enter your head, you turn to the page in your mind and counteract the jealous voice you are hearing with positive thoughts.

It is a trick that takes some practice, but one that can be very useful, and one that becomes easier the more you do it.

About Paul Cockayne

Counsellor, musician, iPhone developer, games-player, cheese-lover....
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