Paul Cockayne – 07791 970406 – firstname.lastname@example.org
This is a sort of counselling “blog” to give you a flavour of how I work. You can find more information about me by clicking one of the links above. This blog was previously at http://www.pcrc.berkshire-website.co.uk where historical entries from November 2008 can be found.
We show our emotions in different ways. Some people are very demonstrative – crying easily, shouting when angry, very bouncy when happy. Others are more restrained, preferring to deal with their emotions internally, going quiet and perhaps withdrawing if they are upset.
Just as we show emotions differently, we also deal with our partner’s emotions differently. Some of us are undisturbed by raised voices, others are fearful. Some are comfortable with silence, while others feel very rejected by a quiet partner. Some of us are content to let our partners “cry it out” while others feel a need to stop the tears as soon as possible.
Where our styles clash, that can cause difficulties, not because either party wants to hurt the other, but because we deal with emotions in different ways.
The way we show emotions, and the way we deal with them, are most likely to be learnt behaviours, dating back to our childhood and how our parents dealt with emotions then.
It can be helpful, in counselling, to understand the origins of our behaviours and understand what might make them difficult for our partner to deal with. With that understanding, can come the ability to adapt our behaviours to improve our relationship.