Paul Cockayne – 07791 970406 – firstname.lastname@example.org
This is a sort of counselling “blog” to give you a flavour of how I work. You can find more information about me by clicking one of the links above. This blog was previously at http://www.pcrc.berkshire-website.co.uk where historical entries from November 2008 can be found.
Whose fault is it? Who started it? Your partner did, of course, you’re not to blame.
You can argue about it until you’re blue in the face, but you’ll probably never agree, and as a counsellor I am not going arbitrate on that. More important than the question “who started it?” is the question “who’s going to finish it?” and the answer to that is that generally, you both need to finish it. Patterns of behaviour in relationships are very often circular, by which I mean that A is very quiet because B talks a lot and B talks a lot because A is very quiet. To change such a pattern, A needs to talk more and B listen more. If only one of the couple changes, the relationship will soon revert to its old pattern.
Counselling can help in these situations by helping you to identify circular patterns and then enabling you to talk about small changes you can each make to start a healthier pattern of behaviour for both of you.
It doesn’t matter who started it – you both need to stop it.