Counselling in Wokingham – Feeling Safe

Paul Cockayne – 07791 970406 – paulcockayne3@gmail.com
This blog is intended to give you a flavour of how I work as a counsellor. You can find more information about me by clicking one of the links above.

The recent snowy weather has brought back some childhood memories for me, of happy and exciting times, but also of cold times, and of the comfort of returning home to a warm fire and a hot drink.

snugThat feeling of warmth, comfort and safety is one that I think we all need at times, though of course we will find it in different places and in different ways. For many of us, that place will be at home, even though peace may be hard to find until the kids are asleep. For others of us, home will not be a safe environment. If we are experiencing a lot of conflict or even violence in our home life, for example, we may only feel safe and relaxed when we’re at work, or in church, or the pub, or when we are taking the dog for a walk.

Sometimes we get that feeling of safety from others – typically from friends or family, maybe from pets or other loved ones. Sometimes it is when we are on our own that we feel most secure.

We differ from each other too, in how much we seek this feeling. For some, a few minutes sitting down with a cup of tea or a cigarette may be enough – others will seek that feeling far more, sometimes seeking out the familiar and comfortable by way of set routines that may, in extreme cases, become obsessive. At the other end of the scale we might seek excitement to mask our lack of security – and however we do this, there is a danger that this behaviour too can become obsessive and addictive.

Getting this right can seem difficult and complicated but, in part at any rate, we can trust our instincts. If you feel like curling up on the sofa and watching a movie on TV, then why not? It’s probably what you need just now. But it’s important as well to listen to other people who are close to you. Do they feel you are spending too much time on your own, or are drinking too much? Or are we badgering them too much for their company when they want time on their own?

It’s not about getting it right all the time, of course, but about it being good enough, for yourself and for others. And by talking about it, we stand more chance of doing that.

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About Paul Cockayne

Counsellor, musician, iPhone developer, games-player, cheese-lover....
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