Counselling in Wokingham – Space

Paul Cockayne – 07791 970406paulcockayne3@gmail.com

Welcome to my counselling blog. You can find more information about me by clicking one of the links at the top of this page

Have you ever stood on top of a hill and looked at the landscape spread around you? So many lives, so much going on that you can never know about. Or when did you last sit and look at the stars? What is out there? Outer space is so enormous – there’s so much we don’t know, and may never know. And do you like to sit at the seaside and watch the waves? They are powerful, unstoppable, awesome.

space1The comparison between our small selves and such enormities can be both humbling and uplifting – and it can also enable us to put things into perspective. Things that may be worrying about, problems we have can sometimes seem trivial when we think about them in comparison to the landscape, the oceans, or outer space.

Space is important on many different levels. The spaces we work in and live in are important to us – the way we choose to organise (or not) our working space reflects ourselves and influences the way we work. Even more so the space we live in – do we feel comfortable? – does it feel like home? Interior designers, architects, Feng Shui practitioners, cleaners, decorators and many others earn their livings by making the spaces we occupy more pleasant for us.

space3If you live with someone else – or even a pet – you are sure to sharing at least some of the space you live in with them, and this can be difficult. One of you may like the environment tidy, you may hate clutter, while the other may prefer to live in a homely manner, and find their partner’s tidiness too clinical. This can be doubly difficult when one partner moves in to the home of the other, which already has its owner’s style and house rules. The person moving in may feel that there is no space for them. If they have lots of stuff they want to bring with them this may be very difficult for tidier partner to accommodate. The tidy one may feel invaded, while the more cluttery may feel one excluded. Or it can happen the other way around. The person moving in may see loads of ways to improve things – by making changes, by tidying up, by organising things “better” – and their partner may find that these things go completely against how they like things to be done.

Communication and compromise are important, of course, but this can be very difficult if you are feeling invaded, or pushed away, in a relationship that is probably only in its formative stages.

It is important for us to have enough control of our environment, just as we need to protect our personal space. We find ourselves backing away if a stranger gets too close and we may do the same thing, emotionally, if we feel out of control or unsafe in our living environment.

space2“A tidy desk is a tidy mind”, they say and for many people this is true – they need to live in a tidy environment to feel relaxed, secure and in control. But it is equally true to say “a cosy house is a cosy mind” and many people would rather feel cosy than tidy.

We each have our own needs and styles and want our spaces to be in harmony with those needs. We seem to feed off the spaces we occupy, and maybe it’s like that when we stand on top of that hill, or look up at the stars, or watch the waves crashing against the cliffs. Looking out at such views can be uplifting, empowering, exhilarating and it seems that sometimes we can drink in those feelings and carry them with us when we return to our normal routines.

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About Paul Cockayne

Counsellor, musician, iPhone developer, games-player, cheese-lover....
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