Counselling in Wokingham – Your Support Network

Paul Cockayne – 07791 970406paulcockayne3@gmail.com

Welcome to my counselling blog. You can find more information about me by clicking one of the links at the top of this page

We all need support – some of us more than others. Support may come from people, pets, activities – all sorts of places – and perhaps, from some potentially destructive sources such as alcohol, drugs or pornography.

It can be useful to think about your support network by asking yourself who (or what) gives you:-

  • Someone you can rely on in a crisis
  • Someone to talk to if you’re worried
  • Someone who makes you feel good about yourself
  • Someone who can tell you how well or badly you are doing
  • Someone who makes you stop and think about what you’re doing
  • Someone who introduces you to new ideas, interests or people

You may not be able to answer all these questions, which means that may be gaps in your network. That’s worth thinking about, because if, for example, there’s nobody you can turn to when you’re worried, you’re probably having to deal with any worries on your own. Up to a point there’s no problem with that, but it is stressful and difficult to be in a constant state of worry and in the long term it will probably take its toll. It can be a bit like a bucket placed under a dripping tap. It’s a big bucket, it’s a slow drip, but eventually the bucket will fill and overflow.

Going back to the list above, your answers may make it apparent that you rely heavily on one or two people for support. This isn’t necessarily wrong, but again, it is something to think about. For example, if you rely on your partner to fill all, or most of, these categories, perhaps you are asking too much of them, putting too much pressure on them – and perhaps they are too nice to tell you that. Perhaps they are that bucket for your dripping tap.

It’s good to have people around you who can support you, but it’s also good to have your own resources. That might take many forms. Religion and meditation, exercise and dance, food and drink, cleaning and DIY. All these things can be helpful in different situations, to help us feel better about ourselves in different ways.

Pets, too, can be a great support. Stroking them is very soothing (though maybe not if your pet is a hedgehog). And they are great listeners: they never answer back, they never criticise, they just let you talk it through.

Similarly, some people turn to a lost friend or relative to support. “My dad always listened to me when he was alive, and I feel that he’s still listening now.” You can still lean on someone even if they’re not physically with you. “What would my mum say if she could see me now?”

There’s loads of support out there and inside you, waiting to help you. And if, occasionally, that’s not enough, well, you could always try counselling!

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About Paul Cockayne

Counsellor, musician, iPhone developer, games-player, cheese-lover....
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